Do you react or respond?

Do you react or respond?

Life regularly puts us in situations and gives us a choice to handle those situations. It is our way of responding to those situations that defines our personality. When we react to a situation, it so happens that we are not in control of self or that of the situation, however, when we give ourselves a moment to analyze the situation and develop a considered response we are in total control. It is our assertiveness while conveying thoughts as a response to a situation that maintains our personal integrity.

A young girl walked up to her father and said that she is very unhappy with the way things are turning out. Everything that is happening around her seems so challenging and that even before one problem is solved another one follows. The father who was listening to her daughter asked her to accompany him to the kitchen. There he took 3 pots, filled them with water and put it on high fire. He then added potato to one pot, egg to the second one and coffee beans to the third one. After boiling the stuff for 20 minutes he turned off the burners; he placed potatoes and eggs in two separate plates and ladled coffee in a cup.

He asked his daughter to touch and feel each of the three things and tell him what she saw. She saw that the potatoes have turned soft, while the egg has turned into a solid mass and the coffee beans have added rich aroma to water.

The father mentioned, “Before I added each of the products in boiling water the potatoes were strong, hard and unrelenting but they turned out to be soft, eggs were fragile but after putting in boiling water have turned into solid mass and coffee beans have created something new by adding its color and aroma to water.” He asked his daughter, “When we are in a situation, all of us have options to respond in a particular manner. What are you, a potato, an egg or coffee?”

When I react to a situation, I am not in control of the outcome as it will entirely depend on the situation I am in. For example, if we behave like the potato or an egg we could end up being weaker or if our attitude is like that of an egg, we may turn out unpleasantly hard depending on the time for which we are in boiling water. But when we process our thoughts by analyzing the situation and what to make of it, we can change the situation and take full control on how the outcome will be.

By simply following the three steps given below I can redefine the way I look at situations and respond to them:

• By pausing for a moment: We need to give ourselves a moment of preparation, both mentally and physically, before instantly reacting to a situation.
• Being an observer: When I detach myself from the situation, I give myself a chance to look at it from different perspectives, which helps me devise my plan of action and helps me respond to a situation with total control.
• Define outcome: By being a silent observer, it becomes possible for us to steer away from any negative thoughts, which will help in soothing our mind with positive affirmations and keep us calm.

These techniques help us in changing our attitude, which also influences the outcome of a situation we are in and the response of those with us in a situation.